the incline

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about what exactly matters in my life, and now within this thinking, I’m beginning to filter out the people, emotions, problems, stresses, etc. that fall into the “doesn’t matter” category. A desire to simplify has entered my spirit, and that desire has been welcomed. Hesitation cannot be present any longer and I just need to live without reguard to how you or anyone else choses to live or view my living.  If I’m going to be here in this world, there is no reason for me to not be present. Life is about liberation and obtaining a free spirit filled to the brim with beauty. Beauty is a combination of things both ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Beauty is a mixture of joy, sorrow, a certain amount of unhappiness and self-consciousness, humility without being aware of possessing it, meekness, boldness, being strong and weak, imperfections, failures, a timid form of pride, both days full of tears from pain and days full of laughter caused ones. Beauty is breathing extra deep as you tilt your head back a bit to get a glimpse of the moon on a walk back to your car when no one is a around. It’s being goofy and silly and kind when unaware that there are eyes watching. Beauty is captured best when it’s not expecting to be seen. Beauty is the journey we are all currently on. Our paths are not the same and the roads twist in different ways and go in different directions, but just remember that we are all similar in being on the journey.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that you cannot chose to be happy. Happiness isn’t a choice. It’s all about where you are in the journey. Not about where you chose to be. Where you are is not a choice. It’s simply a matter of fact. Chosing to be happy is in more ways than one a state of deception. Saying you are happy when you are not is like saying you are in China when you are in America. You have to be ready to be happy. That readiness will not come until it simply comes. It’s coming is unplanned, undecided, and comes out of no where. Runs into you full spead with no regard to your choice.

Choice is a matter of readiness and it being the right time. Therefore, instead of saying, “Just chose to be happy, focus on the positives!”, be compassionate and realize that the proper words are instead, “Are you ready to be happy?”. My answer to that question, if asked, would be no. Do I want to be happy? Yes, of course. But I am not quite ready yet. I am yet still in the incline, not quite in site of the peak, but I have a sense, a feeling, that it is just a short distance away… just out of my view, but still I know it will be present in the near future because it has to be. The peak doesn’t have a choice but to appear. A mountain is a mountain. It’s just a matter of fact that as a mountian, it simply has an incline, a peak, and a decline. The incline being the struggle and the path of preparation and anticipation, the peak being the rest, the ability to stop holding your breath, the breath of fresh air, the place you’ve anticipated and prepared to reach, because you knew it would come because it didn’t have a choice but to do so. The decline is the steady journey back home… and that never ends. Our entire lives, once the peak is reached, is spent in a steady decline back home, not to the start of the incline, but past it… not returning to it, but passing it and heading home.

The level of compassion presently stirring in the world is very low. This is, of course, merely my personal observation. It’s my comprehension of the events I have experienced lately and the way the people involved in those experiences have reacted. I’ll give an example of something that happened a few weeks ago but I won’t say names. And please know I am not bitter about this. It’s just an experience I have the right to share because it is my experience. The person involved was simply involved. The experience wasn’t the same for them so it doesn’t belong to them in the same way it does to me. Anyways, I recently told a friend about a situation I’m in that desperately requires people to devote a certain degree of their caring to. After I told them, I knew they couldn’t truely help me and I didn’t expect them to inconvienience themselves to help nor care to any significant degree. About a week later I was having a really rough time and called them hoping they’d just merely be with me that evening. They didn’t even need to offer any form of comfort or anything, I just needed there physical selves in my presence. That’s all I needed. They couldn’t do that for me though, and that’s fine, but their reasoning was off. They told me that they TRUELY cared about my wellbeing, but then stated that they aren’t in the place to help me (which, btw, I wasn’t asking for help, I was asking for them) and that they are too selfish to be of any help. All I could think was “you care, but you’re too selfish?” Doesn’t that translate to “I don’t care because I’m too busy being selfish and caring about me?” I personally am not in the best place to help friends who need help but if they needed me I’d be there in a second anyways because I love and care about them. Love is not selfish and uncompassionate. I actually after a few days of thinking about it, eventually found their reaction to my need disgusting and repulsive. Althought I am not any bit perfect in my compassion, I have the ability to be compassionate and do not selfishly give out my compassion selectively. That situation really actually broke my heart because it openly said “I don’t actually care, I just feel the need to say I do to make you feel better.” Lies do not make a person feel better. Lies are not a reasonable substitute for the truth. Please know I am past the events that occured and that I forgive them and hope they’ve forgave me and am sorry about the situation occuring… so to the person who might read this, please know this isn’t an issue any longer. But yeah, not only compassion within individuals. Just community lacking it. It’s not even about possessing compassion abilities because you can have the abilities, but until you give out your compassion it does no good.

Anyways, I have no conclusion to this incline post. This is just my interpretation of a small portion of my personal incline journey. The peak hasn’t been reached, so the conclusion to the incline will not come until it just does.

So, the journey continues…