Things aren’t really going my way…
but are they going God’s way?

That’s the question I keep having pop into my little ol’ noggin.
And I also wonder why… why I’m at this place I’m at right now. Why I’m doing what I’m doing. Why I bother getting out of bed at all, when all I do after getting out is remain alone. I crave relationships. I crave people to be around me. I crave people to love me. For people to want me around and to call me up and invite me to join them in whatever it is they are doing.

And I’m tired of people telling me that I just need to put myself out there, call people up, ask them to do something. Telling me that I have to take the initiative. I don’t hardly have the motivation to wake up each day. What makes you think I’ll have the motivation to beg people to be around me, to love me? Everytime I call someone and ask them to do something, the answer is always “Oh man, I’ve got so much to do. I’m really tired… sometime later in the week… ok?” and then they never keep that promise of later. And then I find out that even though they were too “tired” to be around me, they weren’t too “tired” to be around others. I just want someone to hear my heart, to see that I’m not this person who is contained and quiet and no fun… to see that I’m really crazy and loud and silly. I’m just too scared to be me and no one will give me enough of their time to allow me to lose that fear.

Excuse me for craving interaction with human beings. Please forgive me for having the same desires you hold within your heart. I’m sorry for being human just like you.

I think it’s funny how these people who refuse to reach out their hand to me are the same people claiming to be followers of Christ. They are the same people who are passionate about the world’s problems and the people in some other country. Followers of Christ? More like followers of religion. Too selfish to actually give of themselves to the causes sitting right beside of them, that are within grasp. All I know is that Jesus never said no to the hurting, lonely, the rejected and brokenhearted. If you claim to be a “follower of Jesus Christ”, then you better be willing to never say no to the hurting, lonely, the rejected and brokenhearted. If you are proclaiming to the world that you are a “follower of Christ” but you are saying no to the rejects, then you are a hinderance to the furthering of God’s kingdom. You are showing people that since you are a “follower of Christ”, that Christ would be saying no to the rejects. Who wants to come to a Savior who says no when you are broken?

Be what you say you are or don’t be it at all.